Ah, Good Times
by This Empty Path
Summary: This was innocent, I swear it! Then I got to it... JCxENxJTxBWxHD! Smut and extreme stuffing. SLASH.
1. This Doesn't DRAG On, Right Guys?

**DICLAIMER: IF I OWNED DC COMICS OR WERE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS, I WOULD BE POSTING THIS IN COMIC BOOKS, NOT ON HERE! I OWN NOBODY!**

**I borrowed some jokes and puns from JokersOnlyFear, so if you've ever read any of her work, you should clearly see them! And a slight Pink BonBons 91!**

Jonathan stood in Edward's bathroom, looking in the shining mirror. He had been there for roughly twenty minutes, staring into oblivion, thinking unspeakable things, and his brazier was getting uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke up.

"I. LOOK. _STUPID_!" Jonathan exclaimed.

"Hey, it could be worse. You could be wearing socks, Mr. Garter Socks!" Edward yelled from the other room.

"And you're well disguised!" Jervis piped.

"But... You two don't have to deal with this tramp-stamp-fag-tag-MARK on your collar bones! And plus, you two get to be men, so WHY CAN'T I?" Jonathan whined.

"'Cause I SAID so!" Edward yelled.

"Plus, you're the thinnest of us!" Jervis called out, yet again, putting in his two-cents.

"But... but.." Jonathan stuttered and took another glance in the mirror, "But, my hair isn't usually so straight, yet curled on the ends, and I'm not a female, either. Plus, faux fur is SO tacky!"

"Playing dress-up, are we now?" growled the addictive voice of a certain Dark Knight.

"I COULD explain, but I'd rather do THIS!" Jonathan stated, bringing his heel down onto the Batman's foot, then fledging full force on his nether regions with his knee, before yelling, "EDWARD, JERVIS GET YOUR SORRY ASSES IN HERE BEFORE I HAVE TO KILL ALL THREE OF YOU!"

Edward and Jervis ran in and saw an pained Dark Knight, and an anxious, yet flushed Jonathan, standing there, in drag, looking terrified.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?" Edward screamed.

"The Bat... He burst in... I had to... Stilletto... Foot... Knee... Groin..." was all that Jonathan would and could get out.

"Jervis, chain him up." Edward commanded.

"Okay..." Jervis said quietly.

And the Dark Knight was tied up. Strange things happen when billionare playboys/vigilantes are kidnapped.


	2. A Triple Affair

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!**

They all carelessly and unceremoniously plopped down onto the couch in front of the tea-table. Quite exhausted, Jervis picked up the teapot and poured himself some English Breakfast tea, mixed in some milk and a good amount of sugar, and started drinking.

"Jervis, sit still." Jonathan chastised him.

"Why so... Hostile, Jonathan?" Jervis asked.

"Because, if I'm gonna look like a woman, I'm gonna act like on too."

"Act like one...?"

Before Jervis even knew what was going on, he felt a warmth around his groin. He looked down to realize that he was receiving a blowjob, and that Jon was stroking Edward. In fact, even Edward looked surprised.

**EDWARD'S PERSPECTIVE:**

_Why is Jon doing this? I pissed him off, and he's giving me pleasure for it? Jerv looks happy... I'd bet, Jonathan has a nice mouth... A dick-sucking mouth... I never knew that Jervis was so huge, or that Jonathan was so good at deep-throating... I wonder if he would let us fuck him._

**JERVIS'S PERSPECTIVE:**

_Why is Jon doing this? Oh... God. If Alice can do this, I want her now. NOW! Oh, god! Devour me Alic-Jonathan!_

**JONATHAN'S PERSPECTIVE:**

_Why am I doing this? Impulse? Just because? Oh, god! Jervis's precum tastes like... It tastes like amazing. Maybe... I think Eddie needs some attention..._

**OMNISCIENT PERSPECTIVE:**

If one were watching, one could see Jonathan's mouth come off of Jervis's cock with a loud "POP". People _were _watching, though. Their names... Batman and Two-Face. Once Jonathan got off of his knees, he abruptly stood, and slipped out of his dress, revealing a thong.

"Women's panties?" Edward panted.

"Jerv's idea." Jonathan said, sitting in Eddie's lap.

Then, started the lowering of the thong. Jonathan's thong had slipped down his pale, shapely, thin thighs. It slid down and sown, soon enough around his ankles. When Eddie tried to lower Jonathan onto his cock, he said:

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because Jervis is already lubed up."

"I don't see any lube, and Jervis and I are almost the same length!"

"My spit and his precum"

"Oh... Yeah."

Jonathan turned around to wiggle his ass towards Jervis, but right as his head went in, a certain Batman burst in.

"Put your - clothes on!"

"But BATS!" Jonathan complains, but got a great idea, "Why don't you join us? Fuck my pretty, tight ass, double-stuffing me alongside Jervis. Let me lube you up, take off that Bat-Suit."

"No, I believe in JUSTICE, fucking you in my Bat-Suit would disgrace it!"

"Then take it OFF, Bruce." Edward piped in.

"Fine..." Batman said, giving in to his arousal, taking off his cowl and suit, revealing impressive, tan muscles leading up to a handsome face, and leading down to a blood-filled, erect, bulging cock.

"Mmn!" Jonathan moaned in delight.

Bruce walked over to Jonathan's pretty face, taking in the view before it was smeared with cum, runny makeup, and sweat.

"Just tell me if I go in too deep and hurt you." Bruce said.

"Okay." Jonathan said, knowing fully well that if he whined, Bruce would just go deeper.

Jonathan could only deep-throat eight of the ten inches, all the while, motioning for Eddie to stretch his ass until it was loose enough.

Edward added a second finger, scissoring them. Jonathan growled against Bruce's cock, causing vibrations. Bruce groaned and pulled Jonathan's lush dark brown hair.

"Harder." Jonathan groaned out.

Bruce pulled Jonathan's hair harder than... well necessary, and let out some precum when Jonathan kissed the head of his cock and stuck his tongue in the slit.

"You're ready." Jonathan said as he pulled off of Bruce with a small nip at the head.

"Scoot over, Jervis." Bruce growled as he shoved him to the side.

"Just... Double-stuff me, and get it over with."

And on the cue of "double", Two-Face burst in.


	3. This Again?

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DC COMICS, BATMAN, JONATHAN CRANE, EDWARD NIGMA, HARVEY DENT, OR JERVIS TETCH! ALL RIGHTS GO TO DC COMICS, BOB KANE, AND THE WARNER BROTHERS!**

"What are YOU doing here?" Jonathan groaned.

"Adding double the excitement…" Harv said.

"You sure, Harvey?" Bruce growled out, shoving into Jonathan alongside Jervis, causing some serious friction.

"_I_ think there's room for one more." Jonathan moaned out.

"WAIT… Just a quick question… Are you split down the middle EVERYWHERE?" Edward asked.

"Of course not, my dick was spared."

Jonathan pushed back against Jervis and Bruce, slowly pulling off of Edward inch by agonizing inch, slipping his expert tongue into Edward's slit.

"Edward, put your cock into my hand, I'm afraid I don't have enough holes…" Jonathan said.

Jonathan started on Harvey, roughly pulling on Edward.

Harvey pulled on Jonathan's hair, making sure not to use his burnt hand.

"Want to pull harder?" Jonathan asked sarcastically.

Harvey didn't take too kindly to Jonathan's joke.

"Sure." Harvey said, pulling harder.

Meanwhile, Bruce was trying to extremely hard not to give up and jizz.

"Okay, Harvey, you're done." Jonathan said, licking the precum from his lips, taking in the salty taste. Harvey just growled and spread his legs so not to hit Bruce or Jervis and shoved into Jonathan harshly.

"Edward?" Jonathan asked expectantly.

Edward shifted forward, towards Jonathan's mouth. As he went forward towards Jonathan's mouth, his erect member felt a cavern of warmth around it. Edward pulled on Jonathan's hair, entangling his fingers into Jonathan's hair, moaning out his name.


	4. Honor or Recon

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DC COMICS, BATMAN, JONATHAN CRANE, EDWARD NIGMA, HARVEY DENT, OR JERVIS TETCH! ALL RIGHTS GO TO DC COMICS, BOB KANE, AND THE WARNER BROTHERS!**

"Make sure you share boys." Jonathan moaned out.

"We will." Said the other men, switching.

By now, everybody had a chance to cum, and re-harden as Jonathan touched himself, stroking his neglected cock gently as he sat on the sofa. Bruce had long since shattered the coffee table, yet again.

"Bruce, you need a new-found respect for coffee tables, you're costing us a fortune!" Edward exclaimed, even though he was rich anyways.

The comment was only made when Edward got a piece of glass lodged into his thigh, making it just about IMPOSSIBLE not to feel the pain.

"Not. My. Fault." had been Bruce's retort, yelling at Edward to correct his chastisement.

**PRESENT TIME**

It was a Saturday. Jonathan sat on the couch, in drag. Edward and Jervis sat beside him, in black suits, having long since moving the coffee table. They waited. The clock turned to five in the evening. A crash sounded, signaling the entrance of the Batman. The door slammed against the wall, showing that Two-Face had arrived. Jonathan stripped. And they did it all again, just like every Saturday since August.

**I'M DONE! Free at last! ****I'D LIKE TO MAKE A SHOUTOUT TO FEARPERSONIFIED AND ERZATZ EINSTEIR FOR READING AND REVIEWING! IF I COULD GIVE YOU A GIANT HUG, BUT BECAUSE I CAN'T I LOVE YOU!**

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